[ NEWS ITEM: The Whataburger at Waco Drive and Valley Mills is closed for renovation this week. A sign on the drive-thru window indicates it will reopen at 3 p.m. Friday.
EDITOR'S NOTE: This is the second installment of the Definitive Waco Rankings series. Check out guest contributor Jacob Kyle Robinson's previous entry "DWR Starbucks."
Picture this: it’s your junior year of college, you are sitting in your apartment, it’s three in the morning, you’re halfway through an all-nighter (for whatever reason), and a commercial comes on the television. A commercial with an unmistakable voice.
“Thirty-six thousand, eight hundred, sixty four. That is the number of ways there are to dress a Whataburger. And we serve each one fresh, hot, and on a big toasted bun. So take heart Mr. Three-Slices-of-Cheese-No-Tomatoes-Extra-Bacon-and-Grilled-Jalapeños, we got you covered.”
And then you wait. And that one second audio of sizzling onions on a hot grill takes over. And then it hits you like a ton of bricks:
“What a burger! Just like you like it.”
And it is just you like it. So you peel yourself off of your couch and you go. Because you must.
That voice. That cowboy crooner. That voice shaped the fast food choice of my generation of Texans. That voice changed my life. This week we are looking at the wonderful Whataburgers of Waco (and the greater Waco area) using five films that, like those iconic commercials, did narration right. Let’s get cooking.
Valley Mills - The Shawshank Redemption
Sitting in the heart of Waco, the Valley Mills Whataburger is a staple along the drag. Just off the corner of Waco Drive, this fine establishment represents what Whataburger represents: a place to eat in the heart of a small Texas town. Sure Waco has grown and there have been better Whataburgers built, but you can’t beat a classic. And much like the Shank, which didn’t bring home an Academy Award, this Whataburger won’t be winning many awards any time soon. But by golly, it’ll always stay strong and true when you need your number one with cheese. Get busy living.
Highway 6 & Highway 84 - Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
This particular restaurant is all too often forgotten. While it’s nestled in a corner of two major Waco roads, it can easily slip by even the most observant of drivers. This makes it perfect for a quick lunch on a day of skipping school. It’s far enough away from the various Waco high schools and major businesses in the area where parents of those high schoolers might be working. It’s an easy hideaway on a beautiful day while you’re out joyriding in your friend’s dad’s 1961 Ferrari GT California. So students, while your teachers are repeating your name in first period, you can scarf down your bacon, egg, and cheese taquito and hash brown sticks stress free.
Hewitt - A Christmas Story
This is arguably the finest of the Waco Whataburgers. Much like many restaurants in the Hewitt area, the family friendly atmosphere is a major plus. The restaurant never has to worry about its mouth being washed out with a bar of soap (though it’s obvious that they pride themselves on their cleanliness). And during the winter you might even spot an adorable kid waddling in wearing his overstuffed red jumpsuit to fight off the brittle Texas cold. Overall this classic Whatburger is sure to bring back memories of your own childhood as you happily chow down on your bacon and cheese Whataburger. And I know I won’t have to triple dog dare you to meet me for lunch there.
Bellmead - Fight Club
I think one thing Wacoans constantly struggle with (though we may not want to admit it), is understanding the enigma that is Bellmead. Is Bellmead actually its own city or is it just a figment of Waco’s imagination? I think those from Bellmead would argue that they are real (and rightfully so), but I think Tyler Durden would argue that as well. It’s all very confusing. At the end of the day though, the Whataburger of Bellmead is just as real as any Waco Whataburger and just as delicious. In fact, this one is the first of the area to adopt the new covered two lane drive through system. Real or not, it’s surprisingly innovative, much like Tyler Durden. Where is my mind? On a Honey BBQ Chicken Strip Sandwich.
Baylor - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
This one is a bit of stretch, but bear with me. One scene in particular led me to this conclusion. In fact, one line in particular, delivered by a very under the influence Raoul Duke (played by Johnny Depp) to himself during his attempt to check in at a Las Vegas hotel under a fake name: “Okay. Be quiet. Be cool.” And if you were ever a student at Baylor, like I was, (or MCC or TSTC) you know there were many late nights where the craving for a HBCB (Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit) could only be appeased by staying quiet and staying cool in that long line at the Whataburger at 3a.m. Breakfast has never tasted as good.
Next up: A Definitive Waco Ranking - HEBs
