I'm a sportswriter so I eat too much fast food. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. In reality, I probably eat more fast food than that excuse covers, but in my defense at least I eat good fast food (Chipotle, Torchy's, Panera, etc).
I know some readers will take umbrage with my definition of "good fast food," but rest assured I'm only getting started with unpopular opinions in this blog. I am going to write something that will for sure elicit responses of #firstworldproblems. Fine. Here we go with a list of things that drive me crazy at fast food places:
1. The oblivious line jumper. Some restaurants (McAlister's, Chick-Fil-A) have this sort of disorganized organization in which everyone waits for the next available register. The problem is, someone will wander in and look around at everyone like they're crazy and then go stand second in line behind the person who looks like they're the closest to being finished. What do you say to these dumbasses?
2. The drive-thru party planner. I become irrationally angry when I'm waiting in line at Rosa's and it begins to be apparent that the person in front is planning their party with a consultation from the drive-thru order taker, which means once they order, it's going to take days (tens of minutes) for the order to be prepared. The drive-thru is for speed, people, not so you don't have to get your fat butt out of the comfort of your car. I think it's time to do a PSA pleading with people to take orders for more than two people inside the restaurant.
3. The soda-fountain lingerer. It is possible to top-up the ice in your cup without blocking the entire row of fountain drinks.
4. The coffee-prep-station lingerer. I admire your tenacity in preparing your coffee just the way you like it. But, as I would like to drink my coffee sometime in the next 15 minutes, I don't want to wait for your requisite half hour of stirring.
5. The oblivious coffee-station blocker. You know, there are probably better places to wait for your venti white-chocolate mocha frappuccino than leaning your washing-machine-sized backside against the counter where people obtain Splenda and half-and-half.
6. The menu-board starer. It's Whataburger, brotha. Look the nice lady in the eye and make a decision already.
7. The off-menu expert. It's Whataburger, brotha. You're not in Hollywood, you're in Hewitt. No one is impressed.
8. The not-ready-for-the-Freebirds-experience novice. I'll just make a suggestion that if you refer to all of the Internet as Facebook, or vice versa, then you probably aren't ready for Freebirds or Chipotle.
9. The I'll-bring-Chipotle-back-for-the-whole-office guy. Go ahead, be the big hero. But if you're in front of me in line, you'll get to see what my scowl looks like. And if you listen closely, you'll get a clinic in passive-aggressive sighing.
That's all. I'm a jerk. Have a nice day.
