We’ve all done it.
At one point or another, we have all asked our waiters and waitresses a dumb question, or we have said something so entirely inconsiderate that we go home racking our brains as to why we though that would have been appropriate in the first place. I too am guilty of this restaurant sin, even after having worked in restaurants for more than 10 years. Thus, in the name of education, I have compiled a list of things you should never say to your server, and the things you should say or do instead.
8. “Is this item any good?”
I asked this question just last week, and I felt like an idiot. Of course the waiter told me it was good. He represents the brand. Sure, sometimes you might land a server that has the gift of honest brutality, but try to ask more constructive questions instead, like: “Do people order this a lot?” or “Do you think this complements my wine?”
7. “You’re the best waiter we’ve ever had.”
While this is appropriate in some situations, most of the time it gives the waiter or waitress a false sense of hope. As someone who has spent years working in restaurants, let me say that if you drop the “You’re the best waiter we’ve ever had” line, then you better follow it up with “this is the best tip we’ve ever given.” I have been told on countless occasions that I was their best, but the line would be lost on me when I would later find out that the customer’s wallet didn’t seem to agree.
Moral of the story: don't just say it, pay it.
6. “We’re ready to order.” (When you’re actually not.)
A server has a hundred things to do at any given time. If your server asks you if you’re ready to order, and you’re not, but you want to try and get your order in anyway, ask them to come back in one minute. It will give the server a chance to check on other tables and give you valuable time to actually find something you want to eat. That minute you think you lost, you actually didn’t, because your waiter has to go check on those other tables before they put in your order anyway.
5. “Can you turn down the air conditioner? It’s cold in here.”
This question should never be asked. Why? Because no matter how a server responds, they’re lying. Managers are usually the only people at restaurants who have access to the thermostat, and they are not about to make every other person in the restaurant, who is actually comfortable at the current room temperature, uncomfortable because you’re cold. Usually what ends up happening is the server tells the manager, the manager says “no,” which then prompts the server to pretend like the question was never asked, or to tell you that they talked to the manager. Either way, the temperature stays the same.
If you tend to get cold in places, bring a jacket. A jacket will help you avoid an otherwise awkward situation with your waiter.
4. “Can I have your number?”
This one goes without saying, but I used to see it all the time. Let me just say that asking a server for their number is improper for a variety of reasons, the primary one being that the person you are asking knows that you are paying their wage. If you really do want to pursue a relationship with a local single server, then leave your number and a compliment on your check. This can bolster the confidence of any human being, not just servers, and if it turns out that your server digs you, you might actually get a call.
3. “Can you cook my steak somewhere between medium-rare and medium?”
Most of the time when a customer asks this question, or a variation of it, the server just says “yes,” but, be assured, the temperature you just asked for doesn’t exist. I know making decisions is tough, but when ordering steak, if you are ever unsure whether you’re in the mood for something on the rarer side of things or something closer to well done, always order the rarer option. The kitchen staff can always grill your steak longer if you feel that it’s undercooked. The same is not true if you ordered a medium-well steak and didn’t think it was pink enough.
2. “I’m in a hurry.”
When I waited tables, it always pained me to hear those words come out of a guest’s mouth. A lot of the time, a waiter has no say as to what place in line your table’s meals are prepared, and making your waiter freak out because you’re in a hurry is not something a waiter ever looks forward to. If you are truly in a hurry, call ahead; tell the restaurant what you want, and that you want it on the table when you arrive. A lot of restaurants will do this service for you during the slower hours, and if you do get this service, you should tip more than normal and thank the managers.
However, if you want somewhere to eat quickly on a Friday night or during those busy dinner hours, you might have to grab fast food. I know it’s not preferred, but that’s the purpose behind fast food: it’s food served for people in a hurry.
1. “I know the owner.”
This line always comes off as presumptuous, and it doesn’t change anything either. If you use this line to try and get something you want, rest assured it would have happened either way if you would of asked for it politely. Not everyone, however, uses this line to get something they need. Sometimes customers will flaunt their relationship with the owner to exert their social status and make themselves feel important. If you are that person, please know that your waiter probably knows the owner as well and probably knows the owner better than you do too, considering your server works for and with the owner on a regular basis.
I hope this list doesn’t make you feel bad, because, as I mentioned, I am guilty of this stuff too. Just please note that the more you censor yourself in front of your server the better off you will be received. This will result in better service and won’t place your waiter in an awkward position. If you are a waiter and want to add to this list, comment below or Tweet at me @createdlove. I’d love to hear from you.
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Thanks to Carino's hostess Jordan Osbourne for serving as our model waitress. Photo by Dustin Payne.
