Last week I posted an article with the top 10 rules for dining out with children, and I got a lot of interesting responses. I wrote that article from the perspective of a parent who dines out with three children often and tries his best to follow those 10 rules. However, I know there is a flip side to the discussion, because as a parent I know that there are times when it's simply not possible to follow those rules perfectly. With that in mind, I decided to write 10 rules for dining without children, for all those people who look down their noses at parents who are struggling to get their kids to behave.
1. Do not let the unruly children at the next table ruin your meal.
Seriously, how sad is your life that you let something like unruly kids ruin your meal? Your mealtime experience couldn't be any worse than it is for that young mother of two who is trying to keep her sanity in the midst of chaos. Just try to ignore it if it's bothering you that much.
2. Try to avoid staring in judgement at the parents of the unruly children.
I hate it when my kids get unruly at a restaurant. It's unpleasant and embarrassing, and the last thing I need is someone judging my parenting skills based on a brief encounter with me and my children at a restaurant. I know you're doing it, because I've done it. Thoughts of “If those were my kids, they wouldn't be acting that way” go through your mind as you observe my situation from your ivory tower at the next table over at Panera. Just stop.
3. Have some compassion when you see a parent struggling to make her children behave.
Did I mention that the situation is probably worse for the parent(s) than it is for you? Have some compassion. Most parents in that situation hate that their kids are making it unpleasant for others around them, and they are doing the best they can to keep it together.
4. Do not give advice to the parent that is trying to make his children behave.
Oh, you think you know better than I do about how to make my kids behave? Well, then, by all means, impart your boundless wisdom unto me, oh great oracle of child psychology. Or - and this might seem crazy but hear me out - you could just sit there and mind your own business. Maybe my kids and I are just having an off day. Did you ever stop to think of that?
5. If you are eating at a fast food restaurant, expect that there might be unruly children.
Fast food restaurants are full of kids. It's fast and easy for parents to get in and out and get their kids fed if they're on the go. If you expect to get a peaceful, kid-free meal at a fast food restaurant (especially ones with play areas), you are sadly mistaken.
6. It is ok to talk to cute babies, but never touch them unless you are close friends or related to the parents.
This one isn't about the kids' behavior, but about the behavior of adults who think it's ok to touch other people's babies. I get it. Babies are cute, and sometimes you just want to pinch their little cheeks or poke their little bellies. But think about it from the parents' perspective. Some stranger in a restaurant wants to come up and touch your kid, and for all you know this person could be a predator or someone with germs that you really don't want your baby to come in contact with. Say hi or make funny faces to get a laugh out of the baby, but keep a safe distance.
7. Do not be offended by the nursing mother at the next table.
Babies need to eat. They often need to eat when it is not convenient for the mother to go somewhere discrete, so she has to feed her baby wherever she is. In a world where Miley Cyrus gets wall-to-wall coverage for degrading herself on stage at the VMA's, seeing a mother breastfeeding her baby at a restaurant will most likely not be the most offensive thing you see that day, so get over it.
8. Do not assume that you could do better job of managing children in a restaurant.
Maybe you could do a better job of managing my children than I could. Maybe you couldn't. We'll never know because they are my children and my responsibility, and I'm doing the best that I can. Until you are in a situation where you have to keep some semblance of control over three kids while making sure they get enough to eat without disrupting everyone around you, then you don't know if you could do a better job.
9. Do not complain to the manager.
Maybe this is just me, but if someone has a problem with me or my kids, I would prefer if they would talk to me rather than complain to a manager. For one thing, it puts the manager in an awkward position, but it could also potentially make the day that much more difficult for that parent if they are forced to take their children elsewhere.
10. If you can't handle being around unruly children, stay home.
In my last article, I encouraged parents to stay home with their unruly children and avoid going out to restaurants if possible. I think the same thing goes for people who can't handle being around unruly children. People need to eat, and we live in a society that dines out often. People with kids often find themselves too busy to have time to cook an adequate meal at home, so dining out is the best option for them on those days. Part of living in a civil society is being around other people in the community without feeling put out because occasionally someone's kid isn't behaving as perfectly as you think they should. If you can't handle it, maybe you should stay home.
Maybe I was a little harsh in this list of rules, and maybe I was a little harsh in the list of top 10 rules for dining out with children, but my primary goal is to promote a healthy discussion about the subject. My hope is that parents would make an honest effort to keep their kids from disrupting everyone else's meal, and that everyone else would show some compassion toward the parents when their kids get a little unruly.
