I'm pretty happy that I write about restaurants these days, and not so much about sports.
I don't want to look at sports right now. Sports and I broke up over the weekend after the Rangers lost two heartbreaking games and, therefore, the World Series; the Red Raiders (and Bears) suffered humbling defeats and the Eagles squashed the Cowboys. Did you notice that? In order to list the misery of the sports weekend, I had to use a semicolon. A SEMICOLON!
As stated, I'm happy to be writing about restaurants. I'm even happier that we have so many people in WacoFork land writing about restaurants. However, instead of doing a top 10 list, I have to highlight one reviewer's opus that brought the house down.
[ The views expressed in this review do not reflect the views of WacoFork or it's parent company, Vilij Media. The review has been slightly edited for length. Also the name of the restaurant has been changed to Semicolon for reasons that I don't have to explain. ]
Let me open this review with a good ol' fashioned rant.
Semicolon loves their 'Best of Waco' awards. They've even got one hanging on the side of the building, for Pedro's sake. I think the 'Best of Waco' title is hideously misleading. 'Best at making food dull enough to be inoffensive to the masses' is more like it.
Every time I see one of those 'voted best in Waco' plaques hanging inside a truly mediocre restaurant, I die a little on the inside. I always wonder, 'who actually votes for these?'
Let’s face it: Semicolon is unforgivably meh, (Other restaurant name deleted) isn’t good for anything besides a massive potato and typically bland chain restaurant fare and has no place on the likes of a local 'best of' list unless we’re lacking any better alternatives. For somewhere as wacky and interesting as Waco, that simply isn't the case. Why, then, do terrible restaurants end up winning awards year after year?
Awards mean nothing if the people picking them don’t know what they’re talking about. When I miss Waco’s food, I miss the extraordinary things about it. The problem is, Waco’s 'best of' lists smack of generic restaurants that don’t really seem to speak for Waco. …
I have a bad feeling that the people who end up doing the majority of the voting for these 'best of' lists are the kinds of people who love to paint things in neutral earth tones.
People who buy Volvos not for quirky Swedish turbo goodness, but because they have practically enough airbags to float the car should something whack into it.
Nickelback fans.
Twilight readers.
Anyone who’s ever been captivated by the plot of an English-language soap opera.
The people who complain about things being too spicy, too loud, too bright, too fast — too everything. In short: the people who like things to be safe, familiar and predictable.
Those are not the people I like to ask for advice on about anything—especially food. What I love to eat might give them an ulcer.
Thanks, ninjacoco. I needed a good laugh on this Monday.
